RockAss.net / allmyjobs

I've had too many jobs in my life. I have no security, no retirement plan, not even a decent resume. I do however have many stories. And here they are. This blog 100% maintained while on the clock at my current job. Please don't tell my boss.

Friday, August 12, 2005

All The Jobs, In order even

I've had too many jobs. While on the clock I've had a SWAT Team aim guns at my head, been arrested for bringing a gun into an international airport, done dishes with a rock star, been punched in the face by my boss, and I called for the internment of all Arab American's on a nationally syndicated "angry white guy with a goatee" type radio show.

So, read the stories, collect them all, trade them with your loved ones, feed them to your pets for a shinier coat and a more energetic smile. NOTE: Each story has a links at the bottom to the next story so you can read them straight through. And another NOTE: I'm currently editing these off line. Here, they are A MESS. Bad grammar, spelling, etc. Enjoy.

Thanks for all the praise and comments. I'm touched, sincerely, and I am taking your advice and trying to get this mess published. Leave comments, visit the home page www.rockass.net and be sure to check out my other story blogs including http://www.rockass.net/allmykisses.
Keith

Salesman for Captain O
Golf Course Employee
Kentucky Fried Chicken
Strip Mall Janitor
Video Tech
Blockbuster Video
Voter Revolt: Political Canvaser
Temp: State Net
Host/Bus Boy: John Qs
Greta's Cafe Dishwasher
Bus Boy: The Sacramento Club
Gelato: Shortest term of employment
Bus Boy: The Delta King
Counter Jockey/Thief: Coffee, Tea and Company
Tree Hugger: Friends Of The River
China Cafe

Spike and Mike part 1: Sacramento, SF
Spike and Mike part 2: San Jose
Spike and Mike part 3: LA
Spike and Mike part 4: Chicago
Spike and Mike part 5: Seattle
Spike and Mike part 6: LA
Spike and Mike part 7: Tallahassee
Spike and Mike part 8: Riverside

Plumber
K-Tomatoes
Friends of The River
Sub Q
Capitol Aquarium
Sacramento Inn Theatre
Welfare Recipient
Jensen Brother's Creative Aquariums
Waiter: The Union Restaurant

Spike and Mike Van Couver
Spike and Mike Santa Cruz
Spike and Mike, Crew Leader, Costa Mesa
Spike and Mike, Crew Leader, Santa Cruz, SF
Spike and mike, Van Couver all alone
Spike and Mike The End Of The Road

The Fish Company
Radio Stooge
Tuesday Night Grindhouse
Petco
Job Coach/Social Worker
Trash orgies, Panhandling and Roofing

I do appreciate links back to my site, I will consider link trades and please leave comments. It means a-lot to me. Thanks for visiting my blog.

posted by Keith Lowell Jensen @ 5:03 PM    

41 Comments:

  • At 11:43 AM, Anonymous said…

    KLJ, I love you ramblings!! You are so DAMN funny! See you Fri!!Tootles-Magic

     

  • At 8:56 PM, Anonymous said…

    I can't believe there is only one post here! Your stories are excellent, super high quality, I've spent two nights reading and I'm only 1/3 way through. Can't wait to read more. Tootles-Max

     

  • At 6:36 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    Thanks Max.
    I'm really glad you like 'em. I've been workin' real hard offline on cleaning them up, correcting the many errors, doing a rewrite, and then we'll see about publishing the whole damn mess.
    I appreciate the praise. It keeps me going.

     

  • At 6:36 PM, cara said…

    Keith,
    My job offers me much time surfing the net, and I am glad to find your blog. Please know that I have wasted the last 2 days reading your stories. I guess I should say wasted THEIR time not mine.
    MUCH THANKS,
    cara

     

  • At 7:10 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    Thanks Cara. I wrote it on the clock, no reason you shouldn't read it there eh?

     

  • At 1:51 AM, Lemonwitch said…

    Sweet Crimany. I just sat down and read this blog in it's entirety, from start to end.

    This is a compliment! You have a very compelling, and entertaining way of telling a story, and I LOVE a good story. I've heard about the Trash Film Orgy, and as soon as I can get down to Sacramento I am SO attending.

    Thanks for the great read!

     

  • At 7:22 AM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    Thanks Lemonwitch. Its great to hear that my stories are being enjoyed so much.

     

  • At 1:23 AM, Anonymous said…

    I found this site 5 days and I'm quite simply, hooked. Your stories are like a novel, I found myself unable to stop clicking to go to the next one. Each adventure is like a movie playing throughout my head. I'm both jealous and inspired by the people you've met and places you've been. Please keep it up.

    Dave

     

  • At 12:17 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    Thanks Dave. This is great. Gives me more push to work on getting the rewrite of this published. And I will definately keep writing. It's what I do. Click my profile pick to find true stories, drug stories, fight stories and even some fiction and poetry and a dream blog.

     

  • At 2:19 PM, Joseph said…

    Honestly, I'm blown away. I live in a microscopic town in SE Missouri. The stories you just told were amazing. I'm 15 and feel I can really connect with you. I dropped out of school (to home-school and still further my education), because if you are a smart kid around a bunch of close-minded teens from MO, well, it's not too pleasant. Anyway, you're simply inspring. I hope my life will be as rich as yours seems to have been. I think once I complete my education and get out of this place I'll stop by the Trash Film Orgy someday.

     

  • At 3:43 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    So now I'm corrupting the youth of America.
    Yeah, school sucked a bunch.
    Buy hey, my life is STILL rich. That past tense freaks me out. I'm old and scared of death.
    For sure travel when you get a chance. Even just bouncing around the states. SO amazing. And yeah, if you're in my neck of the woods, say hello.
    Thanks for you comment. I'm happy that my writing touched you.

     

  • At 8:23 PM, 007ben said…

    Awesome read. I couldn't pull my self away for 2 days while I read all the jobs. you are leading a very interesting life.

    I think some of the stories could be movies. and I think it could all be rolled into a book its such a good damn read.

    good work my friend.

     

  • At 12:19 PM, Anonymous said…

    Solid read, still working thru it. So far it reads like the stories you hear on "This American Life" on NPR. Perhaps you should see if they want to pick-up a coulple of vignettes.

    The strength of the stories is your honesty in portraying yourself.

    Chad

     

  • At 11:58 PM, Alena said…

    Really compelling read.. I was hooked for a couple of days, honestly couldn't tear myself away. Each story was entertaining and highly interesting, making me eager to read what happened next. You've lived a very full life and that's awesome.

    I grew up in S.F. and lived in Santa Cruz for a few years, so it was really cool to be able to really picture the places in your stories and know what theaters/shops/etc. you were talking about. In fact, there's a very good chance I was at one of your Sick & Twisted shows at that nine-plex in S.C.

    I hope you keep writing, and the best of luck to you in all your endeavors! :)

     

  • At 11:21 PM, Victoria said…

    Hey Keith!

    I also totally dug your ramblings and I'd dig it if you linked back to me :)

    Vickey

    http://nikekalami.livejournal.com

     

  • At 8:43 PM, rp2 said…

    I don't know what is so addicting about these entries.. but the addiction is still there nonetheless. I'm going to wait to read the rest until I get bored working as a part time telephone operator for a Sierra College in Rocklin. Yeah, I spent about nine hours today sitting alone in a room with a phone and a computer screen. Most of the time I was reading your entries. I read up to the Sacramento Inn Theatre job.. but I had to take a ten minute break.

     

  • At 10:35 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    Thanks.
    All the compliments have gone to my head. It's 10:30 at night and wearing shades, cuz I'm sure I'm that cool now. Yeah. Me and Cory Heart.
    If you know what the hell that means, you're old like me.

    Past my bedtime. Goodnight. And sincerely, thanks again for the comments, praise,and for reading this stuff.

     

  • At 12:33 PM, Chris said…

    I just wanted to chime into the chorus, I caught the link to your jobs stories from Cockeyed and have been reading them at work ever since... great stuff. Thanks for putting them up.

     

  • At 12:41 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    I love that everyone's reading them at work. That's poetic.

    And thanks for chiming in. It means a-lot.

     

  • At 3:54 PM, Anonymous said…

    I dig your site, very funny material.

    How the hell does one email you? Anyway, I'll swap links, if you swap.

    http://www.braindent.com

     

  • At 4:12 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    I Can Be E-Mailed at keithlowelljensen at yahoo dot com

     

  • At 12:17 PM, Anonymous said…

    I have to say, this is amazing stuff. I enjoyed every last word of it man! You should seriously consider writing a book, I mean, I would deffinately be interested in that.

    Florida

     

  • At 6:53 AM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    The book is done, and it's been rewritten one and a half times. I'm doing a smaller rewrite, looking at each chapter out of sequential order and really piroitizing and pollishing. This last rewrite shoudn't take long. Then, we'll se if we can find a publisher. HEY, ANY PUBLISHERS READING?

    And I put my e-mail adress incorectly in my last post. It's keithlowelljensen at gmail dot com.

    Thanks.

     

  • At 12:27 PM, Rammek said…

    Hey, if you're going to judge a website by one CARTOON image - and I hope you're not - then you'd be the one who's lame my friend.

    Let's hope we have an understanding here...

     

  • At 12:33 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    I said that the cartoon was lame and I think it's being there is lame. I believe I made it clear that I wasn't yet ready to judge the site by asking if the site carries a-lot of that kinda stuff.

    So now, the site has one pedophilia cartoon and one rabid fan. Things are not boding well.

    But I do still very much appreciate the link and I do hope you're digging the stories.

     

  • At 1:14 PM, Rammek said…

    So now, the site has one pedophilia cartoon and one rabid fan. Things are not boding well.

    More than one rabid fan I can tell ya that much... and there you go being all judgmental (and condescending I might add) with your cutesy little "not boding well" comment. Nice.

    Prick.

     

  • At 1:21 PM, spazm said…

    Having an erotic jetson image on the frontpage isn't nearly as lame as judging it. Maybe you should stick around and perhaps you'd understand.



    Oh who am I kidding eh?

     

  • At 1:28 PM, spazm said…

    -1 Overrated

     

  • At 1:33 PM, Rainbow Randolf said…

    I can cut the sexual tension in here with a freaking knife!
    /me throws an inflatable pool full of KY on the floor
    Well then, go at it!

    (PS GUESS WHERE I'M FROM!)

     

  • At 1:52 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    Ha ha. This is great.
    I've joined your guys' forum, so we can sling insults on both sites.
    It's funny that you're all so worked up over me criticizing the cartoon.
    And now I'm a prick. Oh well, I'll not join in the name calling, but I think this is great. They say if you want to get noticed, pick a fight. I guess I've inadvertently done so.

     

  • At 1:52 PM, monkeytooth said…

    I dig your stories.

    and as to the misunderstandings over random graphics...

    +1 ))<>((

     

  • At 1:57 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    Ha ha. Forever, Monkeytooth.
    and thanks.

     

  • At 2:29 PM, Rainbow Randolf said…

    Haha, he gets the ))<>(( reference, my mod was officially worth it now.

     

  • At 4:35 PM, Jewbacchus said…

    ROAAAAAR

    RAAOOOOR

    RAAAO RAOO NNNNGGGGHHR!

     

  • At 6:47 PM, Trench said…

    What?

     

  • At 6:55 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    I believe he's speaking in Wookie, judging by his name.

     

  • At 11:20 PM, -_- said…

    Ok , so ... maybe if you were to edit your comment a tad and not sum up a community by referencing one single image people might not feel a need to "discuss" the issue at such length.
    Oh ... but to awnser your question ... yeah , there's plenty of that stuff around if your're looking for it .... it's kind of like walking through suburbia without cutains --- the shocking stuff kind of sticks with ya untill you learn to ignore it.
    Judy is kind of hot though.

     

  • At 11:36 PM, -_- said…

    the purple onion on the desktop once told me about a special place in the inventory salon at the local multiplex which it was opined I should avail myself for a few hours if a need for companionship were to .... arise.
    After a double shift at the pork rind factory shaving the meat before it is cooked I decided to meander over to the afore mentioned locale and seek sustenance of the soul within it's logistical embrace.
    My first impression of its dark interior was neither accurate nor tactfull , for I was incapable of percieving much from my limited vantage and needed to actually move beyond the vestibule before going to the trouble of so much as forming an opinion.
    Once inside , I learned to my suprise that my third grade teacher (Mrs. Wright) was tending bar and that it was in fact "-_- night" which meant I got to drink for free.
    Well as you may imagine , one thing led to another and now I have been able to leave behind myself the lowly state of a pork shaver and can now walk with the pride of place which comes of knowing that certain federal grants allow me to spend my days placing miniature houses in random locations around my city and photographing them for which ever future generations of evolved animals or bugs open the time capsules I sequester into the municipal landfill.
    want a hug?
    yes.) wrap arms around self.
    no.) make two fist and say "fag".

    Thank you for joining me on this little picnic I hope you don't have too much trouble finding your way back home once the ice melts.

     

  • At 8:33 AM, Maribel said…

    I think this would be a great entry to your fights blog

     

  • At 1:50 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    Maribel,
    I think you're right.

     

  • At 12:38 PM, Keith Lowell Jensen said…

    People have found this page searching for my e-mail, so here it is again
    keithlowelljensen at gmail dot com or maybe for the first time.
    Yeah.

     

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